The Noble Art of Plummeting

Another Sunday, another route.

This time the “Kent Alps” provided the training challenge for Martin, Howie, Colin, Nathan and myself.

Colin resplendent in his new yellow B2B jersey, albeit a little muddy from an outing on Saturday with Mike and Graham.

Martin shivering due to the wait for me at Westerham Green (early morning boiler failure resulting in me hunting around for two boy scouts to rub together and light fires for the slumbering wife and child).

Nathan in good voice despite the efforts at the microphone on Thursday night and Howie feeling a little jaded after his Saturday mountain trek with Scott.

Having negotiated Crockham Hill en route (a painfully long incline of gradients varying between 5-13%) and after exchanging pleasantries with the chaps at the Northern base of Toys Hill, the climbing began.

Colin set off like a greyhound from a trap, with Nathan and Martin not too far behind. Howie and I kept one another company from a little distance back, mindful of the inherent dangers of “burning out” trying to keep up with lighter, fitter, riders and the desperate need to keep my breakfast from view.

A steady climb of almost exactly 2 miles followed at an average gradient of about 7-8%. Nice.

Having stopped for a few swigs of energy potion at the summit, we decided to descend on the Southern side – unbeknown to me at the time, a considerably steeper alternative.

I set off (from the rear of the pack) looking forward to a smooth sweeping descent, perhaps (stupidly) assuming that the South side of the Hill mirrored the path we had just climbed…….whack whack oops!

Within a matter of seconds I was at the front of the group. I was simply plummeting (speedo had me at 42mph) and, looking up, realised that unless my velocity was arrested (and quickly) there was absolutely no chance of my making the oncoming sharp gravelly left hander, that was rapidly approaching, in a still seated position.

Due to the adrenalin and potential ongoing underwear ruining situation, I can’t remember precisely the expletive issued from within, but it was something like “Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittttttt!!!

The resultant huge lock up (fairly sure it was BOTH wheels) was not improving the situation down below, but I’m pleased to report that sufficient speed was scrubbed off and the bend negotiated without the need to employ the Kent paramedic unit I had suspiciously eyed on the way up.

Following a brief email exchange with Mike, it appears that he had already paved the way with eventful descents on Saturday by doing exactly what I had done on exactly the same stretch of road. Difference being that Mike managed to skilfully avoid a parked car (on his side of the road) and an oncoming Range Rover whilst plummeting at a similar 40 mph. Ding Dong.

Following my downhill adventure, however, a wave of relief ensued, along with the climb back up. I was quite relieved to see that I was not the only one who struggled with the steeper gradient (at least 16% and, according to Martin’s GPS, possibly as much as 30% in places)…..an executive decision was reached at the top to stick to the Northern side, which was then climbed twice again by the group.

All in all, a very satisfying morning’s work. The legs felt like they’d had a proper workout and my total climbing mileage was roughly equivalent to the Tourmalet. All I need to do now is to do the same again (but twice) to fully understand what awaits on days 3 & 4 of the B2B.

I can feel a few evening rides coming on…….

“Mad Dog” Miller